“One night when my baby was 8 weeks old I had a meltdown. It came it out of nowhere…at least that’s how it appeared. When I think back, I’m surprised it hadn’t happened sooner. I had been keeping it together for 8 weeks, but I didn’t know I was keeping it together. I was just doing what needed to be done, but that night I had enough. I lost it. I was so angry. I was blackout angry. I don’t remember those few minutes. The rage turned into tears and the tears turned into a uncontrollable tremor and numbness.
My husband took me to the ER that night. 5 hours later I saw the doctor. He asked me a lot of questions. He asked me to describe how I was feeling, what led to my feelings…but I had no answer. I didn’t know what was wrong.
What were these feelings? Why was I feeling this way? Where did they come from? I wanted to give an answer, I really did, but I had no words.
I was managing. I was taking care of my baby. I was managing the house, the laundry, the cleaning, the groceries…I was showering and getting out of the house. I had support. I loved my baby. I wanted this baby. I wanted to be a mom….what were these feelings?
It took time and the help of a therapist trained in PMADs, but I realized that I was overwhelmed by this new role and transition. It’s what I wanted, but it’s not what I imagined. I was trying to live up to the unrealistic expectations our society puts on mothers. I was afraid of what others would think if they knew of my struggles, but initially, I had no words.” Anonymous
Postpartum Support Yukon 