If you are reading this I am assuming that you recognize that something isn’t quite right and that you need some support. If my assumption is correct, I want you to know how amazing, brave, and strong you are. In a world that believes happy moms = good moms and struggles = weaknesses, it’s not easy to admit that everything isn’t perfect. This is the first step and you did it!
Now it’s time to seek help. To actually use your voice and ask for it. To tell someone how you’re feeling. Yet another daunting task, but one that is so important. You may be afraid of what your health care provider will say. Will they take you seriously? Will they understand? Will there be enough time? Will it work? Will they think you’re crazy? Will they commit you? Will you lose your children? Asking for help, particularly when it involves your children, parenting, or your mental health, puts you in a vulnerable state. Whatever fears you may be having are to be expected. Just know that they are only fears and fears only have as much power as you give them. Many parents need support after bringing a baby home. You are not alone and you aren’t the first person your health care provider as supported through this time. Nonetheless, it’s not easy. Here are some tips to hopefully make talking to your health care provider about PMADs a little smoother:
When should I seek help?
A certain level of sadness, tearfulness, anxiousness, overwhelm, uncertainty, irritability, restlessness, lack of energy/motivation, fatigue, appetite changes, feelings of helplessness, and difficulty sleeping is common and normal. Nearly 80% of women who have just given birth will experience these symptoms or the baby blues [1]. I would encourage you to reach out to your health care provider if:
- You no longer feel like yourself
- You are concerned about yourself and your safety, and/or the safety of your baby
- Your symptoms persist longer than 2 weeks
- You are not finding or experiencing any joy in anything you previously found joyful
- You are having a difficult time caring for yourself and your baby
- You have no interest in your baby
- You are seeing and/or are hearing things that aren’t there or are worried people are out to get you or your baby (learn more about postpartum psychosis)
- If you are experiencing hallucinations or delusions, please go to the ER or your local emergency service right away
- You have any significant risk factors like major life stressors (e.g., financial issues, relationship issues, housing issues, a recent move, a baby in the NICU), previous experience with PMADs, and/or a personal or family history of mental health challenges.
Making the appointment:
- Choose the health care provider that you are most comfortable with. This may be your maternity doctor/OB, midwife, paediatrician, family doctor, community health nurse…If you’re comfortable it will make things easier.
- When you book your appointment, ask for a longer one. The appointments desk is supposed to book the appointment length to reflect the issue at hand and you will likely need a longer appointment.
- When booking your appointment, ask if you’re able to be bring a support person (this may be limited due to COVID restrictions). If so, be sure to let that person know of your appointment time, so they can arrange to be there.
Before your appointment:
- Print and fill out our PMADs Discussion Tool and bring it to your appointment. This document contains a list of common symptoms and risk factors. This is not a diagnostic tool, but rather a way for you to ensure that your experience is seen, heard, and addressed. If there are symptoms or risk factors that are not included in this tool, write them down on the back. Additionally, you can print and fill out the Edinburgh Perinatal/Postnatal Depression Scale (EPDS) and bring this with you.
- If you have experienced any mental health challenges in the past and have sought treatment, write down what those challenges were, the treatment options you tried, and whether they were effective.
- Get informed. Do some research on PMADs. There are many great websites, forums, books, and even social media accounts to learn from. Write down any questions, thoughts, concerns, etc. and be sure to bring this with you to your appointment.
- Bring a pen and paper with you to your appointment so you can write down any notes. If you’re able to bring a support person, ask them to take notes for you or to take their own notes.
During the appointment:
- Be open and honest. If you’re nervous, say you’re nervous. Tell your provider how bad it is. Give your doctor your list of symptoms and risk factors. PMADs are treatable with the right support. However, your provider doesn’t know what the right support is if they are not well informed.
- Ask your health care provider to check your thyroid functioning and complete blood count (CBC) to rule out any underlying physiological issues that may be contributing to your symptoms. If your provider isn’t agreeable, it may be helpful to seek this service from a naturopath.
- If your doctor suggests medication, ask any and all questions that you may have, including the impacts on breastfeeding (if this is how you are feeding your baby). If you decide to move forward with medication, be sure to follow-up within 2-4 weeks or as soon as advised by your doctor so you can monitor your adjustment.
- If your doctor suggests therapy or any other treatment, ask questions. Ask about the pros and cons. Ask why they are suggesting it. You need to be able to make an informed choice and to choose a treatment that aligns with you the best.
- Ask for any local resources and/services providers that can you support you. For instance, a therapist who specializes in perinatal mental health, support groups, programming, etc.., and be sure to write them down.
- If at any point during the appointment you don’t feel supported, not taken seriously, or minimized, this is not the provider for you to be speaking to. You can ask for a second opinion. You deserve to be seen by someone who understands the complexities of motherhood, pregnancy, and postpartum. You have the right to be seen, heard, and taken seriously.
- Book a follow-up appointment before leaving, and if things deteriorate before your next appointment, call and ask to be seen earlier or get help.
After the appointment:
- Follow through with the steps outlined in your treatment plan. Do you need to get a prescription filled? Do you need to schedule an appointment with another provider?
- If you feel your treatment plan isn’t working and your symptoms aren’t improving, reach out to your support network, so they know what’s going on. Next, call your health care provider.
- Follow through with your next appointment.
Remember, you don’t have to feel like this forever.
Want to learn more about being your own mental health advocate? Click here.
Need more information on where to receive help? Click here.
DISCLAIMER: The content of Moms In Mind’s website, posts, and blogs does not constitute medical advice, nor is it an emergency service. If you have concerns about any health or medical condition, diagnosis, or treatment, you should consult with a licensed healthcare provider. If you are experiencing a medical emergency, please call, or go to, your health care provider, local emergency department, 911 or your local emergency number immediately. Moms In Mind is intended for informational purposes only.
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